he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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