I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
