oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
