I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize