peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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