Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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