I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
