True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Alive.
So much puke
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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