Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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