Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
