The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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