How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
