I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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