Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
