Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
