I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
