dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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