I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
