So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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