He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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