My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize