I feel like abortions should bother me more
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
