Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
