you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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