i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
