Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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