We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
