Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
