I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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