I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
