I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
