I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
