apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
