i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She told me I should be a condom model.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
