mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
