I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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