U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
