I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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