I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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