my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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