Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
