Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
MIDGETS
????
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
