I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
