The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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