Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
being pregnant is like rehab
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
