He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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