we have pet lesbian snakes
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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