I'm sorry my penis didn't work
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
