i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
