he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
