I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I deserve this hangover.
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