I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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