i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
