question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We got so high we made milksteak
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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