just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize