I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
