Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
