I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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