Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
