So drunk its hurt
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
