yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were destined to go to rehab together
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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