Cold hands, warm shart.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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