Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
