My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
