this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
