how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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