There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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