How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
