Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found puke in my bra..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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