I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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