I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
