You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
