i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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