So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
