There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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