who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
