She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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