If that was your dad, he is hot
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
