I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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