Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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